Beyond God - Que Sera, Sera

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=314dDhr04hg

Beyond God - Que Sera, Sera

During the past week, I have been through a series of inter-related experiences that were positive and empowering. They have all taken place within the four walls of my house. They were furthermore free of charge.

It all started when I was planning a new blog to act as a change mentor. This idea is a consequence of that I have successfully, voluntarily, acted in this role in my narrow group. Some experiments to strengthen The Primal Principle have been successful. During my “brain-storming” my whole life passed in review. This overview contained my birth trauma, my epilepsy, The Primal Scream, The Primal Principle and a long and successful career as change / crisis consultant.  My career ambition awoke with an education in Copenhagen in 1974, led by the Raphael Ortiz-inspired Svend Möller-Andersen. He was experimental and anti-intellectual.

The last 15 - 20 years I have taken responsibility for my daughter while I developed my understanding of the Primal Principle and the Evolution. Moreover, I have tried to develop my ability critically to express and document my experiences and reactions. Finally, this has developed into one, so far, successful, experimental, self-therapy that highly includes a female friend. I initiated a reunion with this friend a few years ago, after a 53year break! We then found that, after two radically different careers and family patterns, we still share the same basic values that we had as teenagers.

A number of memory clusters developed in my brain and those appeared my mentors; Bert Johansson, Arthur Janov, Ida Rolf, Julia Völndan, Alma Nissen and Alice Miller. They are among those from whom I have learned skills without wich I would not be willing or able to live. From others as David Ingvar, Abraham Maslow, Svend Möller Andersen, Raphael Ortiz, Albert Bonnier, Vivian Janov, Doyle P. Henderson etc., I got ideas and support that have been crucial to my development. Common for all, especially for the first mentioned group, has been that my experimentally minded brain have recognized a spiritual affinity with their messages and experiences. Overall, I have no doubt spent at least 10.000 hours together with them (to a lesser extent), with their books / Reflections and by working with their ideas. My interpretations of their wisdoms are well tested.

The other day I re-read a few chapters in Panacea, by Doyle P. Henderson, to study his consequent teaching. Step by step, layer by layer in reversed time sequence, he gives detailed instructions how to work down through the imprinted / repressed pain. Then, suddenly, my FaceBook signaled that Emma Stansfield had posted a YouTube video into Primal Patients. The video showed Arthur Janov’s first ever meeting with Raphael Ortiz. Both my body and mind were activated.

In one corner of the video seated Raphael Ortiz, who in 1966 had inspired / provoked Art Janov’s first primal patient to “cry for mommy,”. Later, in New York, Ortiz had inspired Svend Möller-Andersen, who in turn had inspired me, 1974, to read The Primal Scream in Danish.

In the other corner of the video appears, the beautifully aging, Arthur Janov. He has, since 1978, been my guide on a journey into, through and beyond my epilepsy. 2015, in the middle of the night, in Genovés in Spain, I can enjoy these two limbic oriented evolutionists linking / confirming their experiences. It was a very emotional experience. The background of this historical experience constituted the foundation for my epileptic journey. One of these moments when reality exceeds fiction.

They are two ingenious, often controversial personalities. They have during their long lives been unhesitating in their struggle in what they believed. It feels liberating to know that, on several occasions, I have taken them both in defense against people who were uncomprehending to their different views on art, respectively psychotherapy.

Several links to my latest blog “Ono Plastic Band / God” were created during the more than, hour-long conversation between Janov / Ortiz. Despite (hopefully not because of!) their agreed beliefs that “religion is a concept with which we measure our pain,”, the two geniuses used a number of religious exclamations. “Oh, my God,” “Holy Shit,” “My God,” “Honest to God,” “Jesus,” and “Jesus Christ,” were used when the two surpised each other. Janov, alone, made 6 - 8 religious exclamations. Ortiz responded at the end of the video to such an exclamation (of surprise) and corrected with: “This goes beyond God!” A skilled and consciously(?) aware comment!

Two days of breathtaking thoughts, feelings and memories were rounded off with a filmed meeting, the first ever between the two personalities who introduced me to my limbic system. During the following night, during my dream sleep, I experienced my birth trauma. It contained all its usual moments of painful, alternating pressure on my mouth, eyes, head, chest, arms, and legs. Breathing ranged from rapid to forced, to none at all, i.e., exposed to suffocation with my tongue deep throat. The conclusion consisted of an explosive deep baby scream. My hands did, as an immediate follow-up, an intense massage around my head, chest, ribs, etc., to put life into my body, which felt anesthetized and dead. 

When my birth trauma ebbed, I experienced and remembered, suddenly, a couple of scenes. The first was from the age of 19, when I one early morning, after a wild night, woke up in a state of being numbed in my head and body. I was horrified and could do nothing while the state lasted for a long while. Afterward, I dared to say nothing to anyone. I thought that my careless living with little sleep, fatigue, alcohol and sex had caused my condition. Shortly after this “near-birth-primal-experience,” my epilepsy developed. 

My second scene, this morning, was from the age of 6-7. After I had gone to bed, I pulled the cover up over my head and stripped me my pajamas and started stroking and massaging myself. I experienced now how this process had a direct connection to the massage / rubbing I desperately struggled with during my birth trauma. I have for many years believed that these caresses only had its cause in the fact that my parents rarely physically touched us and hugged us. Now, I understand / can feel that the violent pressure in the birth canal combined with anesthesia has been stored and is partly stored in my whole body. Many hours of professional massage of different types have managed, temporarily, to relieve me. Deep tissue massage, Rolfing, has had the most profound effects and has been the start button to numerous primal experiences.

I have now, 2015, a well-integrated brain, which has access to everything that happened to me from my birth. This fact I owe, first and foremost, to the destruction artist Raphael Ortiz and my guide, during my epileptic journey, Arthur Janov.

Will my “future” mean that I become a mentor of change? Que sera, sera, the future is mine to see!

Jan Johnsson