Overall, I have been lucky. (Article 18 of the history of my epilepsy.)

Overall, I have been lucky.

As an epileptic I have through fear and skill in a working combination been fortunate enough not to let me be influenced by the general attitude (which varies in different countries) to epilepsy, especially the attitude which prevailed until the late seventies. In addition, I have managed to avoid harming myself or to lose my life or, which could have been even worse, have caused other people's misfortune and death during seizures, which might have occurred at non appropriate times. I've also been fortunate to meet and establish contacts with people who liked me and helped me.

Fortunately, I had an inner confidence, which had a confusing similarity to a religious belief, which had its basis in the fact that my memory cells knew from the beginning that I had been able to sustain an impossible situation during the birth process. As opponents of my faith, I have always been accompanied by anxiety and concerns about whether epilepsy in a negative way could slow me down and affect me. This in turn has often offended and disturbed the people who have been dependent on me.

To cope with everything most of my life has been routine processes with more actions than innovative thinking processes. Deep down, however, there was always a feeling that I could solve the riddle with my epilepsy. This belief, although it varied in strength, followed me through my seizures and suicidal feelings. It is easier to understand now that I have the knowledge that the seizures and my suicidal thoughts were the symbolic birth process of the memory. Although I was born ass first and was offered a breech delivery, I came out. This has been imprinted over the years in the cellular memory banks, but now also the left side of the brain that specializes in intellectual activities has access to the information, and I can make connections to my feelings, which has its base in the right side of the brain with roots down into the reptilian brain that controls our most important instincts. These insights will facilitate the understanding of many wrong decisions, which repeatedly led me into dead ends.

As I mentioned earlier, I had the pleasure to meet people who showed me the way and DR Art Janov is the one who helped me to crack the code for my epilepsy and birth, and I have been fortunate that he during nearly 40 years has been open when I have needed it. It has been a process that lasted from the early 70s with the then-available methodology to date when I am inside the third step of my process of normalization, where new knowledge and research results are accessible. There is a dynamic knowledge explosion in the brain research. Not because of epilepsy, but due to that resourceful individuals and institutions are motivated to invest in research regarding the progressive neurological diseases such as Alzheimer and Parkinson. 

This third stage began with a letter to Art in September 2008, when I was mature and realized that I had time and resources to continue my therapy, my epileptic journey. I decided to pull out of two relationships, which had gotten out of hand and become a neurotic spectacle. One of the relationships, my former Spanish spouse, was a long lasting relationship, in which I had invested much of my energy and stubborn preservation. However, a 16-year struggle to preserve a marriage built on the ambition not to be separated was incorrect. The aim was to disprove previous divorces ... I had made yet another unsuccessful attempt to maintain a relationship. I can if the terms and conditions are right.

Since my letter in September 2008, I have made progress. I have received confirmation from both my ex-wife and the female friend I broke with that they are satisfied with their situations. The breakups have been painful but the outcomes appear to have positive effects on us all. The most important thing is that Isabel, my 15-year-old daughter, who opted to stay with me has responded positively and seems to be much more in harmony with herself. The letter to Art initiated that I in an organized way reestablished my old habit to write down and document my feelings and experiences, and it has enabled me to see my life in a new perspective and has given invaluable insights.

The more I have tried and the more I have realized my shortcomings, the more luck I have had.