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Chromatic Scale vs. Electroshock Therapy.
Due to my 48-hour birthing process, back in 1940, I have re-lived / experienced how I was subjected to physical pressure, choking, strangulation and anesthetics during hours and how I finally was turned around and pulled out with the tail first as a breech. These experiences I have re-lived, on and off, for 20 years until the source of repressed pain apparently was close to empty. My last two decades have been pretty normal and I have experienced how emotions and intellect have been able to interact/cooperate freely without medication. Occasionally, some unexpected experience has provoked a stab of anxiety and blues which I have been able to solve by laying back and feeling the reason. A process that eventually has become rare.
An important part of my life pattern has been to develop addictive challenges/struggles. These imprints/tendencies are still there, deep down, but I have reached a point where I am now aware of the addictive process and can, with some efforts, cancel a neurotic process that does not correspond to real needs. Since I have filled my life with a lot of challenges and struggling of sometimes doubtful character I have of course also missed out to fulfill real needs. One of the needs I have missed for a lifetime has been to be able to sing and play an instrument. A lot of my time has been spent, in adulthood, struggling with the Danish, English, German, and Spanish languages.
I have for decades enjoyed listening to the best jazz saxophone players. I have internalized this sound to a degree that I often have dreams with saxophone music in the background. I decided in 2015 that I would learn to play the saxophone. Easy to say, easy to acquire (the tenor sax). At 75, I had, suddenly, given myself a Sisyphus task, to roll a stone / a tenor saxophone up the hill, over and over again, without any basic knowledge of music, fingering, rhythm, sound, etc. To learn English at 30 and Spanish at 50 was a breeze. It suits, however, my historical neurotic life pattern, and new parts of my brain are getting activated, its neurons forming new clusters. To feel like a child who starts from the beginning can be a nice compensation for fear and anxiety to fail.
I have written about my dream about the chromatic jazz scale (A Different Way Of Using A Chromatic Scale). It was not a one-off. My primal, often begin when I enter rem sleep. During the last two months, on two occasions I have re-lived how my head during a primal suddenly is hit by electric impulses, an utmost painful feeling with certain similarities to my first petit mal fits in my late teens. My primals nowadays are far less painful than before, so the first re-living of electroshock treatment was just that, a shock and surprise, when I finally after 3/4 of a century had the strength to experience it.
“Electroconvulsive therapy (ETC) was introduced in Switzerland 1937 och was already 1940 widespread and Nobel Prize-nominated. Electroshock is a psychiatric treatment that involves electrocution of the patient and putting the patient into a seizure. Mainstream psychiatry argues that electroshock is therapeutic and alleviates mental illness. Many electroshock patients receive the treatment against their will. Psychiatrists also claim that electroshock is safe during pregnancy and give treatment to pregnant women. A study in 2007 (!) found that electroshock during pregnancy can cause brain damage to the fetus!” Surprise!
Thanks to my new addiction (learning to play the saxophone) I have found out that I / my brain is strong enough to re-live the effects of a treatment which, fortunately, never got the Nobel Prize. With less luck and with a more old-fashioned neurologist than David Ingvar, I could have been treated with an even worse method, lobotomy, which, outrageously, won the Nobel Prize, 1949, when 20.000 lobotomies had been performed in the US alone. This treatment was applied to a daughter of friends of our family. She died within 2 years.
Jan Johnsson
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