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First when You did not hear me and did not publish my comment with some quotes from M. Feldenkrais, it disappointed me. Wether You did not dare to disclose it for some reasons, or if you want to keep your Reflections orthodox, is of less importance. It had the result that I tried to put F.’s definition into my own experiences.
During my horrorfilled birth process parts of my head, arms and legs were numbed and during stressful situations the same thing repeated and happened for decades. For many years, behind it all, I had consciousness of a pain that was possible to get rid of. When I read the Primal Scream, I became aware of my pain behind my epilepsy. Later with a harmonious Primal awareness/consciousness, I could benefit and explain the consequences of the far too reckless Rolfingsessions in Boulder 1979. I lived the pain, the fight for life and death over and over again for years and became increasingly conscious of my real feelings. I felt relived when I no longer needed part of my neurotic, leftside, intellectual act outs to protect me against my pain.
Now, doing Rolfingsessions for the second time I am somewhat surprised and pleased to experience how the numbness from birth has stayed and grown solid in crucial parts of my body’s muscles and fascia. When trying to change these conditions I realize that the left brain’s awareness is not knowing how deep lying, unconscious, realities are working. However, introducing the basic movements according to the gravity, I am starting to get aware of my consciousness, and my feelings and reactions are getting better and more natural.
It seems all complicated when I try to describe it in a compressed few sentences. Seen over a lifetime it is a marvellous, real, liberating feeling to be both aware and conscious. ”Evolution in reverse”.
Jan Johnsson
PS
You always wonder why You write when there are so many bright people out there who turn a phrase better than You? As in Primal Therapy we all need a wise catalyst!
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