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Genovés, Saturday 19, 2011
Art,
This morning, I have experienced something that might be the ending of a six-month period, which I would consider being an individual, developmental, ”pregnancy period”. I will later explain what this period has consisted of, but first I want to mention this morning primal which I lived during a couple of hours.
The primal has everything in common with what I have been through for more than 40 years. However, I have the feeling that the experience that I’m living / experiencing now is close to what I would consider a "normal"culmination of a gestation period. (This is of course equivalent to my own subjective conclusion of everything I have known through feelings, through empathy and after reading about the birth process.) It is long but not overextended. It is intensely pain-filled, without panic and fear, and it feels appropriate. I’m in a state of hyperventilation with mostly positive emotions coming to the surface. Afterwards, I feel tired but alive.
As I mentioned in the introduction, this morning’s experiences, was a highlight of a six-month period after a modification of my lifestyle:
I have written, translated and put 30 chapters of my Epileptic Journey + 30 other articles and comments on my blog.
I have been through a three month-period of intensive Rolfing Body Restructuration, which has meant 30 hours of effective treatment. My Rolfer, Jordi, is a natural talent and follows the Janov expression from Primal Therapy, that the patient is the therapist, learning how to access her/himself and how to feel. She/he has all the insights. The therapist is the catalyst allowing the healing forces to take place. Jordi would make an excellent Primal Therapist.
I have studied and gone through a vitamin and mineral treatment under my own guidance at the same time completing my change of physical exercises from working with weights and push-up just to work with a variation of stretching exercises using, for example, rubber hoses with or without the combination of my vibration machine.
During a few nights, I have reread the Janov solution. Among the many excellent personal stories told by patients, I was particularly drawn to the one about / of ”Jules” on page 47.
Both the fact that many people are reading my blog (according to Google statistics) and the fact that almost no one make comments or need / dare to discuss with me what I’m telling, surprises me.
The way neurotics use religion as both an escape and a brainwash has bothered me for a lifetime. Living in a catholic culture, I see consequences daily and feel thankfulness to my parents that they never forced their religiosity on me and my siblings during the first 3-6 years of our lives. The other night I happened to listen to a prominent British historian in religions who said that the fascinating and common denominator between the Judaism, Christianity and Islam, (which all are remarkably different), is that we shall not treat others the way we do not want them to treat ourselves. Even if, it is no novelty in itself to me, I see her statement with new eyes being a positive, common denominator for these widespread religions. I need to dethrone myself every single day from the center of the world, and not only myself but my group and every single other group. Olof Palme once said, that democracy must be won and conquered every single day. I thought then that he exaggerated...
In my daily life, I have a difficult situation with my daughter Isabel (1994). She does not like to study and want to leave after this semester. She is repeating my own experiences from adolescence when I became a drop out myself. This has brought up feelings and appreciation for my father who did not try to force me. I tried to force Isabel in the beginning (pushed both by status and fear for the future). Isabel and I have talked through the situation, and she says that she realizes the consequences but that she is unable to motivate herself. Consequently I have decided to support her in her desire to try a more practical approach in the future as a mean to find an inner motivation. She has a natural talent for languages and speaks daily Spanish, Swedish, English and Catalan.
I want to quote Sir Winston Churchill after having written my Epileptic Journey: ”Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning”. I am glad that I wrote my story about epilepsy and therapies. That way I got to know myself, and I learned to express things about which I earlier not even dared to think.
I am now planning about writing a fiction story in two to three parts with my own life, story as a base. This way I can let my life experience from business, finance, private life, therapies, different cultures, love stories and tragedies be building blocks in an intriguing story in which an essential part will be a reality but dressed in fiction. I can of course draw inspiration from many sources, books, research etc., and I do not have to bother about scientific references when I put words into the mouths of my main characters.
Dear Art, I do not always agree with your way of organizing the Primal Therapy, but I feel 100% loyalty with your theory of ”evolution in reverse” and that the patient is the principal therapist. I also need to express the most powerful and overriding of all facts: My appreciation for the inspiration You have meant during more than 40 years for a sane, healthy and democratic life!!!
Jan Johnsson
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