Feeling Love.

Janov's Reflections on the Human Condition

On Loving Yourself

 (Click to access!)

My comment:

Feeling Love.

It is fascinating how I am able to screen my long life, when reading and analyzing literature and exposing me to meaningful reflections.

The past week I have been reading an excellent book on “The Power of Habits” + a Reflection of Art Janov: “On Loving Yourself +  an article in The New York Times about oxytocins “The Lovehormone as Sports Enhancement”. It is of course no coincidence that I “accidentally” read this combination of material. There are several inputs to each of the three compositions. I am and have been interested in sports (especially European soccer) and its driving forces, The Primal Principles (about Love as one of our basic needs), and finally of the habit forming processes, which (through the Basal Ganglia in the brain) makes changes possible either occurring in my own, mya daughters or my friend’s world.

Behind my stimulus is an inescapable factor and that is Love: to be unconditionally accepted, recognized, respected and part of a community and the opportunity to develop according to once’s own unique needs. I have spent considerable time of my life creating a neurotic compensation, keeping pain numbed and survive without daring / being able to feel the trauma that an unmet love had caused. Fortunately, my initial lack of love was not total and, despite an emotionally stunted mother and a nasty deforming birth process, I got some compensation. Eg I was privileged to be breast fed for more than 2 years, and I got my mothers specific attention for nearly 60 years.

For several years, I have helped by, primarily, Primal Therapy, slowly been able to demystify my epilepsy and learned to understand, feel and relive the pain behind my neuroses and my struggle, which had its roots in the lack of love. Since then I have aimed much of my life at changing habits, which meant replacing the habits developed to produce anesthetics (neurotic, endocrine and pharmaceutical) to the pain that the lack of love creates.

When I had lived enough pain, and the internal pressure (including the vital signs) normalized so grew the courage being myself and mainly satiesfy my real needs. Two noteworthy examples of this are my daughter and my friend Eva from adolescence. My daughter’s life was founded during my most intense primal-therapy period many years ago when she with my support could choose to define her existence after essentially her own needs and circumstances, and not after my and other’s neurotic needs, which would have meant to fulfill what I / we had failed.

After the pressure in the “pain-chamber” eased during 30 years, I contacted last year a woman Eva. We had during our later teens created lasting impressions. These memories had for 53 years been repressed like “underground oxytocin sources” in my / her subconscious. The year which has passed since we resumed the relationship has been a confirmation of both the positive and the negative forces operating in our subconscious. The good thing is that time has not erased the original positive feelings. However, it was also a testament of the flipside of the coin / the biology of what happened during all the years when repressed pain replaced love.

When I contacted my friend Eva, I had no intention engaging in Primal Therapy. Now it happens, however, as a natural process in order to be free without limiting inhibitions. 

Love is feeling.

Jan Johnsson